“We accept the love we think we deserve.” -Perks of Being a Wallflower
I think that’s why I push away people.
because I don’t think I deserve to be loved.
Anyway~ let me upload pics I’ve been meaning to for a long time ; w ;
That was when I left to talk to my father. ☆
Everything happened so fast. You don’t know how incredibly swift everything was. I was finally able to graduate highschool. I don’t feel any different now but I’m sure in the future I will miss everything and everyone that consist of my highscool life. I’d miss my teachers, who at some times I despised with their endless almost impossible requirements. I’d miss those fun and stressful experiences from my school. All I can do now is remember.
Life moves on but there are humans that are stuck in the past. Although I’m afraid to go forward, I will definitely not let myself wallow in regret as I think of all the “what could have been”s and “what if”s I just can’t help but think “..I wont be studying in ssc anymore” “..back to zero with college”"..I dont know anyone there. How will I survive?”.
College drives me crazy and I havent even experienced it! This is it guys, the start of everything new. Also, after 4 years of architecture I will audition for yg entertainment. I really have to finish within those 4 years. I really have to work hard. I know I can.
♡♡♡
Graduation preparation~
Photos before leaving the house and heading to school~
(mom)
(cousin)
*sigh* I wanted to have a picture with someone but I lost the opportunity to. ;/////; I gave him a hand made cat keychain. I-I got to hug him! /happy. *sigh* I-I do like him ;; s-so much but I can’t express it very well. I get nervous when he looks at me and smiles. He has a lot of charm, I swear. I keep melting everytime.
I’m so damn cheesy gahd.
I have a deep attachment to this jacket. But I guess now, its time to treat it as nothing but a jacket.
First, I want to tell all of you how much this jacket means to me. This wasn’t mine.
It was given by a friend.
Its been years/months since I had a real talk with him. And to be very honest, I miss him.
Ugh.
Let me just cut the crap and downright say it.
I loved him.
He was amazing and I was so afraid to tell him what I really felt. I kept on going on in circles (being a f*cking tsundere, it happens and I am deeply annoyed I am one). He said he liked me. I have been holding unto that fact that he did like me for these past 2/3 years. I was just happy someone could care for me like that but suddenly, our friendship started fading. I didn’t know what happened. I was anxious if he still liked me but I was believing the fact that he did. That fact, that outdated fact made me smile at times while wearing this jacket but I was definitely too out of touch and I forgot this tiny little REALITY…
People change.
I’m just left shattered. I was definitely looking at dead stars. I just,in my mind I can’t help but think that I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough or….even just enough. He found someone better.
Someone who can definitely make his heart jump with just her picture.
Someone who can put a wide smile on his face.
I know he thought I wasnt worth it..anymore.
And…
just decided to erase me from my life.
The only that keeps on stabbing my heart is why did he just let it fade? Am I really that worthless?
….not even a simple farewell?
I tried to bring it back. I talked to him first but he got cold. If he had a problem with me, say it. I would’ve done something to make it right again. Anything just to make him stay but he (we) let everything disappear.
…
This jacket helped me from the rain.
This jacket kept my neighbors from seeing my ugly shirt.
This jacket kept me warm through the cold nights and days
This jacket kept me company while walking through lonely days and nights.
This jacket made me feel loved.
This jacket is special.
This jacket is from him.
I love this jacket.
I loved him.
And.
I want to forget but..
This jacket makes me remember.
This jacket makes me realize I am not worth anything.
This jacket makes me think I’m not loved.
This jacket is a jacket.
This jacket is warm.
This jacket is from him.
…
This jacket stays while he doesn’t.
This jacket just makes me hold unto things more but….this is just a jacket.
nothing more,
nothing anymore
nothing less
Its been a while since I had a serious text post about my feelings.
I’m glad I did it.
P.S. Its @vip_robin now c: I changed it. That’s me btw, does it look like me?
So far, I’ve only revealed a small portion of my work as an artist so I am alloting this post for that. Hm, what is Alyssa Leslie’s art style? What does she draw? Hehe. Here you go~
●My style in fashion. This is an outfit inspired by BigBang’s song “Bad Boy”.
●V.I.P. fandom~ This is NyongTory and only vips will get it c;
●Inspired by vip’s angel 대성~ from the V.I.P. yet again~
●Ironic opposites~ dipped in my fandom (hehe)
●Angel-like devil from Ironic opposites
●Playful Angel from Ironic opposites
●Emotions
●Profiles
●Fashion Ragdolls
●Cute Couples
I apologize if I can’t show my drawings properly. This is the best I can do to show it.
There are lots more but I don’t have to reveal all *wink* haha!
A selca:
Uljjang AlyssaLeslie~
cat-eared X3
myaw~ (filipino style meow, hehehe)
G’niiight
Hello, Hello, Hello!
I’m sorry I was lazy in updating my blog. I got out of my laziness just because I’m excited to show you all my newly customized shirt! I was so pissed because I didn’t want to wwear a white t-shirt with unattractive paint smudged on the front so I fixed it (hehe).
I always think rainbow goes well with everything, haha. And, the color palette for the back part was inspired by Gdragon’s crayon hair.
The photos:
The shirt modeled by Uljjang AlyssaLeslie~
Selca of the night~
I just happened to be ~fashion~ mood earlier c:
Ulzzang Alyssa Leslie~
//IthinkIgotfat…..//
Everyone knows what that date is~ but I’m not dedicating a blog post about that because its not even worth it ùnú.
Yesterday our school had a peace camp. Well, its not literally a camp but everyone was at peace tho! The program was named that way because we used to stay overnight at school and wake up at 4 or 5 am and this wonderful breakfast made by the parent officials would greet us, but, they took that part away because there was an incident wherein robbers sneaked in to our school :c. They don’t want to risk our safety just for that (but still tho! It would’ve been reaaalllyyyy fun and memorable especially since I’m in 4th year and y.o.s.o.).
You’re
Only
Senior
Once
(ouo)
So ofcourse we had a class christmas party~ Our class was worried we wouldn’t have enough food for everyone but it turned out we had more than enough, hahaha.
I got gifts \o/. I wished for a pocket book and my wish was granted, haha. Now, I’m itching to write on all of them!! X3 Have a look~
I got pens also and some cute paper clips C:. Oh and look. Do you see that?
That canned good.
It was literally a canned “good” lol. You have to open it using a can opener to see the gift! It was so friggin awesome!!!
My gifts to my friends were printed pictures of their biases on photo paper. I made it seem to look like a polaroid. I was worried they wouldn’t like it….but they loved it! So much that they went to my classroom and thanked me so much ‘cos they squealed when they saw it, hahaha.
They probably thought it was a lame gift because of the wrapper. Trust me, as much as I am so skilled in RAPPING, it is the opposite as when I am WRAPPING gifts (LOL) #irony. So my gift wrappers for the pics were stapled and was both manila and used paper. I’m really glad they liked it tho C:. Also, I recieved a very cute headband from a dear friend, here–look X3
And its yellow!! My favorite color 
~
Well, that’s all and I’m very positive to say that this was the most memorable peace camp for me and I am happy to be keeping this memory forever since its now in my blog c:
And yes, a selca plus another post with pics comin’ up
UljjangAlyssaLeslie c:
You wake up and realize you have been in an endless cycle for days, months…years.
We all get that dilemma once in a while. We ask questions to ourselves like “What have I done with my life?” , “Have I /lived/ my life even once?”. It all gives us a sort of huge disappointment in ourselves
It scares us
because?
We are all afraid of death and we are afraid we might die now, later, tomorrow….soon without having done anything signiticant in our lives. What /can/ we do really?
What can /I/ do? I’ve been literally piecing puzzles in my mind on how I can solve these limitations that are endlessly barricading me. Some days, I just give up and enjoy life as it is. Some days however are full of worries. Am I forever going to live this way?
I see kids of my age enjoying their lives while me, I’m stuck, in carrying the burden and responsibility that my family has given me. I want to get out. I want to drop the world that I have been carrying on my shoulders. I just want to chase my dreams.
This is all confusing. Why would a 15 yr old speak of this responsibility? Let’s just say in short words that my family is counting on me to lift them up from their problems.
I want to say they can’t entrust their future on me but its hard. Because it would seem too selfish to drop these responsibilities and leave them all alone. I feel awfully trapped.
But I guess this is just one of those days.
But even so….
I’m exhausted.
…….
I painted a carrot guys. Oh and take a look at my journal notebook (because I cant get in touch with my blog all the time OTL;)
^ I designed that ofcourse. I am original c;
